Seven More Days to go...

     It's hard to believe that we will be a family of 6 exactly one week from now.  It is truly amazing how one moment can change your life forever.  We are so excited to meet our newest addition.  I have been following many blogs from families who have a child born with a cleft.  It may seem odd to hear this, but I have actually fallen in love with the cleft face and smile.  I look at these tiny babies with these lion like lips, and my heart just melts.  I've come from the point of feeling sorry for these babies to the point of feeling nothing but adoration!  I especially love the bilateral cleft lip, probably because that is what our little one has.  Regardless, I already know that I will be deeply saddened yet relieved once his cleft lip is repaired.  Saddened because the face I have known since his 33 week ultrasound has been drastically changed.  Relieved because I know that the 1st surgery is over, and he is one step closer in being socially accepted as "normal" looking, improving his speech, and helping his feeding.
     When I first started reading these stories from mother's who kept stating that their child has a defect and will hopefully become normal after the surgeries, I couldn't believe what I was reading.  How could these loving mother's consider their child abnormal?  It was my belief (and still is) that a human being, regardless of what is considered socially acceptable, is a living person who wants to be loved and accepted.  How can a newborn and living child be considered abnormal?  For his physical appearance alone?  My child is not abnormal, and he does not have a defect.  He was meant to be born this way....  Or was he?  As I kept reading story after story, it finally dawned on me.  My child will have a physical birth defect. This physical birth defect, which Merriam-Webster defines as an imperfection that impairs utility, must be repaired in order to live a full and happy life.  He will need lip repair for feeding and psychosocial purposes, palate repairs for feeding, hearing, and speech improvement, bone grafting into his gum-line for orthodontics, and ear tubes to prevent infection and hearing loss.  My baby boy may not be perfect physically when he is born, but he will be perfect in every sense to me.  I love the fact that he will be born with a cleft for many reasons.
1.  Cleft lips are so darn cute!
2.  He is teaching me life skills that I would have never learned if not for his cleft.
3.  Our kids will learn so much about being compassionate and not judging people based on looks alone.  I don't know if there is a better way to truly instill these valuable qualities in any person.
4.  We can help others who might go through these same things.
5.  One thing I know in life...  If you want to feel sorry for yourself, you will focus on what you don't have.  If you want to feel happy, you will focus on what you do have.  And I have a healthy, active, living being that will be born very soon.  He will want love, affection, and care, and I am capable of providing these things for him... and I am so honored to be that person for him.
     Despite all of these positive outlooks, I am worried for my son.  I worry that he won't be able to gain weight before his surgery. I worry that he will be afraid going into surgery.  I worry that something may go wrong during surgery.  I worry that he will be in pain after surgery.  I worry that something bad will happen during the recovery period.  I worry that he will lose his hearing.  I worry about his speech.  I worry about his 2nd surgery.  I worry about his capability to eat solids.  I worry about him feeling abnormal or different.  I worry about how mean people can be.  I worry that if I worry so much it will affect all of my children.  I worry.
     For now, I will tuck my worries away and focus on the present.  It is Tuesday, March 12th, and Spring Break is here.  Brock and I will take the kids out for some much needed fun.  We will be celebrating the life of an amazing woman, Brock's mom.  She is truly a remarkable person, mother, and grandmother.  Happy Birthday (March 11th) Fran Stiffel!  We love you!!